I Have Been Watching… The Eurovision Song Contest

 

Come with SusieSue and let her take you back in time…

It’s 1974. There are Wombles. On Brighton Pier. And ABBA.

I am, let’s just say, primary school age. Waterloo happened and I loved ABBA from that day (except for the 1979-1982 years when ‘alternative’ music took me over, but that’s another story).

Back in the day Eurovision was A Really Big Deal.

We (ie the UK, or Royaume Uni as we are in the Contest)  took it very seriously.  And more to the point we were taken seriously.
Cliff Richard, Sandie Shaw and my Mum’s favourites, Pearl and Teddy Johnson (Google them!). We owned the whole thing. I was there when Bucks Fizz lost their skirts and won the whole thing. In 1982 I had to be coaxed out of the bathroom because I was so upset that Nicole’s Ein Bischen Frieden beat Bardo’s One Step FurtherIreland took over for a while – started with Dana , All Kinds of Everything,  Johnny Logan’s What’s Another Year , then Michael Flatley’s Riverdance which went world wide – eventually inspiring this classic parody:

 

I was there in that crazy summer of 1997 when Katrina & the Waves won and New Labour got into power and we were all YAY ! (Until the whole Diana thing). And even on a pre-wedding trip to Gran Canaria in 1993, I spent the evening with my fiance, in a TV lounge with a bunch of rowdy Germans, watching as Sonia wobbled about squawking Better the Devil You Know (not the Kylie version, obviously).

So here we go again, with I will admit, low hopes for the not-that-bad UK act.

Here’s my ‘Live Tweet’ Eurovision 2016

Belgium kicked off with a bouncy lttle teenage number with a girl in a tin foil jumpsuit singing a sort of Another One Bites the Dust /Little Mix cross-over.

Czech Republic were up next: lovely dress, very dramatic . No substance.

Now there’s The Netherlands. He’s put 1000 euros on himself to win. He’s my personal favourite. Nice clock effect. And one of them was wearing a hat. I like that.

I realise at this point there are 23 more acts to go …

So. Azerbaijan. What. Is. She. Not. Wearing.

Hungary’s guy is cute and really drum bang-y. I keep looking however at the long shots of this stadium and how big it is and how many people are in it.

“You should knoowwww,” he says. I believe him.

Italy. Graham Norton told me that No Degree of Separation was good so I trusted him at first but while she’s pretty and the staging is lovely her costume is awful and the song goes nowhere.

Sorry, Israel, but surely no-one’s called Hovi Star ? I hadn’t seen hair like that since 1981. We are made of stars, apparently. (actually stars are made of us, ask Professor Brian Cox)

Bulgaria. My next door neighbours are Bulgarians. They had a barbecue, I don’t think in honour of this, but it’s OK.

Now this is the moment I have been waiting for. Song Nine.

Cheers, Sir Terry Wogan, Well Done Graham.

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We miss you Terry, especially around Song 9 (Photo: thesun.co.uk)


Okay now I am getting Euro fatigue … Suddenly there’s a girl in silhouette in a silly dress with stupid socks … Germany … just no.

J’ai cherche …. my will to live …

Poland. Will this torture never end ?

“There are 14 songs to go.” says the hostess .
“She says that like it’s a good thing,” says the wonderful Graham Norton.

AUSTRALIA ! She is SO going to win.

Cyprus: Note to yourselves – 1986 wants its song back.

On to Serbia. The Big Ballad. Just no.

Now we’ve got a boy called Donny who apparently trampolined all the way from Lithuania to sing us an insipid song in a bad jacket. Douze points for effort, sweetie.

Now we have Croatia. WHY is Brienne of Tarth singing at me ?

And… Russia. The favourites and I understand why – dramatic, strong, great staging, great vocals. Well played.

Spain thinks she’s Little Mix. <shakes head>

Latvia can play the piano…. waiting

Ukraine… total loss of interest …

Malta.. I do not care if she is pregnant, I can get enough of your dull song.

The basic problem with this is too many countries, too many songs. I love Eurovision and have all my life as I have said, but, really ? TWENTY SIX ?

Any way…. deep breath. Georgia.
It’s 1979 again. I am 12 and I love it. It’s me discovering ‘alternative music’ all over again. Not a winner though.

Austria – hubby had a punt on this as it ‘sounded very Eurovision’. He has a point. She’s very pretty and and the song is elegant and beautifully European. I like. (Better Off In and all )


JOE & JAKE TIME!
They look and sound fabulous.Good song. I LOVE them. FIREWORKS! <Crosses fingers>

Armenia – whatever.

HALF TIME

The clip from ‘Vicious’ won it for me but in other news …. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE turns up and I burst into flames – FANGIRL KERMIT ARMS!

Anyway …

LOVE LOVE PEACE PEACE

Well Done. Sweden. Well Done. Doffs Hat to Petra and Mans. And the ‘hoverboards’. And ‘The Heroes of Our Time’ from last year. Nicely done.

THE RESULTS

Political voting as usual!

62 meagre points for Drake & Josh or whatever they were called. Partisan votes. But we’ve had this for years since the early 90’s I think our only and distant chance of winning would be if we sent Prince Harry to sing Candle In the Wind next year.

We were bested by a political song about the 1944 deportation of Ukrainian Tatars. Stalin deported almost all of this ethnic group from Russia it seems. Well, good on her for being so current affairs (if she’s making a parallel to Syria or Palestine or anywhere it wasn’t obvious to me but, maybe that’s just me).

Cheesy – check. Camp -check. A little bit controversial -check. Far too long! – check.

See you in Ukraine next year ? – Check.





 




 






 



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