‘Harlots’ – BBC2

Like an experienced woman in the oldest profession Harlots has been around the block. Originally an ITV production, aired way back in 2017 on ITV Encore (who knew they broadcast anything new?). It was also shown in America by Hulu and came back to the UK by way of Amazon Prime – only on one of those misspelled channels within channels (StarzPlay) that demands you pay extra for access to streaming content you’re already paying for. Thankfully in the fraught and fierce contest for any new-ish content in a bleak and empty Covid-19 drama wasteland the BBC have bought it and it’s on BBC2 and iPlayer. And might finally find a UK audience.

So what I’m saying is, unlike their excitable punters Harlots has been a long time coming. Was it worth the wait?

In 18th century London, women’s opportunities for economic advancement are either through marriage or sex work. The city’s brothels are run by single-minded businesswomen; the two we focus on are Margaret Wells (the excellent Samantha Morton) and Lydia Quigley (Leslie Manville, having the time of her life in Georgian make-up and powdered wigs). The story revolves around Margaret, her daughters and the women who work for her, all victims or benefactors of her ruthless determination to move up in the world. This go-getting attitude puts her at odds with Lydia Quigley, who she previously worked for. The fighting between these two women is set against a backdrop of a new movement of religious zealots demanding the closure of brothels, and police now trying to subdue Soho with brutal raids.

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‘Wild Bill’ – ITV

Welcome to the original Boston, East Lincolnshire, home of the highest murder rate in the UK (comparatively to its low population). This new fish-out-of-water comedy drama is summed up nicely with the opening car chase through the cabbage patch scene. Yes our hero is screaming and throwing cabbages in the middle of a field while wearing a tuxedo. No, he’s really not from around here.

Wild Bill is fronted by Rob ‘painting-in-the-attic’ Lowe looking especially fabulous with a nipped in waist thanks to his smart belted uniform. And that uniform is a Chief Constable. Bill Hixon is an all-American high flyer, poached from Miami who promises modern data-driven policing; smugly pronouncing he could do it all with good WiFi from a Miami beach. The sinister reason he’s arrived is Boston’s unfortunate statistic above and because he’s got to do some ruthless efficiency savings, in the way that the French Revolution saved European aristocrats. 600 jobs are to go which surely sets up a whole series full of antagonists. And there’s a fractured society here, made up of plenty of immigrants and plenty of Brexiteers. Lots of trouble ahead.

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It's the Custard TV Podcast!

Luke and Matt from The Custard TV invited me on their podcast. We had a blast talking about new shows on the BBC, ITV and Netflix. Despite the shows themselves being a little lackluster, and one in particular a huge disappointment, we battled through what I reckon was probably a cursed podcast. Between the internet being down, a frightful 24 hour sickness bug, and a lost edit, it was a terrific team effort to pull it off!
Listen to my shocking attempt at their fiendish quiz BoxMaster, and find out which TV characters we’d like to spend a day with. Listen now on the website, ask Google or Alexa to find it for you, or check wherever you find your podcasts.
If you want to hear a particular show we reviewed, check the timestamps below:
TIME STAMPS
00:07.43  REVIEW – The Victim – Episode 1  (BBC1/BBC iPlayer)
00:17.00 REVIEW – The Widow – Episode 1 (ITV/ITV HUB)
00:26.34- REVIEW – Don’t Forget the Driver – Episode 1 (BBC2/BBC iPlayer)
00:35.58 – REVIEW – Quicksand – Episode 1 (NETFLIX)
00:46.23 – BoxMaster – The Ultimate TV Quiz
00:55.25 – REVIEW – Barry  – Episode 1 (Sky Atlantic/NOWTV)
Thanks to the guys for having me on and letting me contribute to the site. Here’s to many more years of talking telly.
 

'Unforgotten' Series 3 – ITV

SPOILER warning: this post deals with the final episode of Unforgotten Series 3. Do not read on unless you are up to date with both series 2 and 3. Catch up with all the box sets on ITV Hub now.
Unforgotten bowed out after a tremendous third series at the weekend. No one disagreed that it was an acting masterclass from start to finish, led by stalwarts Nicola Walker as DCI Cassie Stewart and Sanjeeve Bhaskar as DI Sunny Khan.  Since inception this show has attracted top quality British actors. This series was dominated by awesome performances particularly from Alex Jennings, James Fleet and Neil Morrissey (getting better and better in each drama part,although here he certainly need more screen time). But I wasn’t expecting such a split opinion on the ending, especially as this has become a truly beloved British drama. I wasn’t immediately on board back at their humble beginnings, and I admit I snarked at the first episode back in 2015. I was very happy to be proven wrong; the atmosphere wasn’t lacking in comparison to Scandi drama – it was just different.
Online, people seemed annoyed that there was no twist in the tale and that the final episode ran out of steam. Although, thinking about it, do any of the series so far provide a neat and satisfying ending? In series 2 because of the nature of the crime, the number of perpetrators and the time passed the police decide there was no value in pursing and prosecuting anyone. Was this what the audience wanted? Do we demand everything tied up neatly in a bow? Or do we realise if you strive for realism on TV in style and storyline that endings will inevitably be messy, just like in real life?
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'Action Team'

Even thinking about writing this review makes me uncomfortable so I’ll keep it short. It feels disloyal to dislike Action Team given how much I adore Murder in Successville, how Vicky McClure and Jim Howick both are well on their way to becoming national treasures, and how I absolutely fancy the pants off Tom Davis. But putting all this aside, I offer you this warning. Guys, it’s not good.
On paper it’s got bags of potential – who doesn’t love a silly spoof spy comedy? Austin Powers is a cultural touchstone (if people don’t curl their pinky fingers when they say one million dollars, are they even worth your time?) and more recently Kingsman and Spy with Melissa McCarthy have been doing big box office business. So why not transfer it to the small screen? James De Frond and Tom Davis are surely the right men for the job, given how masterfully they combined cop show, comedy, improv and celebrity quiz show in Murder in Successville? And they’ve only gone and got Vicky McClure from the all-conquering Line of Duty to keep a straight face as the straight woman. ITV were extremely confident, given the huge advertising campaign pumped out last weekend with posters everywhere, adverts on all commercial breaks and Vicky and Tom’s arses adoringing sofas at The Last LegSunday Brunch and probably more besides.
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'Joanna Lumley's India'

Another jaunty ITV travelogue for those of us going no futher than the park this summer presented by Joanna Lumley (don’t be fooled by the rocks that I’ve got, I’m still J-Lum from the block), grande dame of the small screen and the lady who the word mellifluous was coined for. This is a three part whistle-stop documentary on ITV and J-Lum (I’m going to use it until it catches on) is keen to play up the family connection. She was born in Srinagar, Kashmir, in the last days of the Raj and her family ties go back several generations. One might think she’s rather brave trading on being directly related to the old colonial empire. Thinking about it, that apostrophe in the title might be a little insensitive.
But don’t worry – this is not a programme designed for much thought or reflection. “Gosh!” and “Fabulous!” she enthuses every few minutes about everything. To her credit it certainly doesn’t seem forced and her sparky interest is very infectious. She talks with her hands in rhapsodies about everything – Morgana Robinson’s impression of her on The Agency is entirely accurate. Amusingly the Radio Times insists she’s toned it down a bit this time!
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'Blind Date'

If I said to you, in a lyrical scouse accent “Number one, what’s your name and where do you come from?” would you know what on earth I was on about?
These magic words, filled with excitement and a certain frisson of romance were of course made famous by Cilla Black on the tv staple dating show Blind Date that ran from 1985 all the way up until 2003. At the height of its popularity in the 1980s, 18.2 million tuned in to ITV on a Saturday night to watch the excruciating, the charming, and the unlikely pairings who sometimes rode off into the sunset together.
Fourteen years on, the format has been faithfully resurrected by Channel 5. Paul O’Grady is a damn good fit for the role of presenter. Famously he and Cilla were great friends. The start of the show is a little tribute to Cilla. He jokes Blind Date was left to him in her will. He calls her the woman “who gave me two heart attacks and broke my nose in a Jacuzzi”. It was clearly a spectacular friendship.
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'Broadchurch' (Series 3) and ''Line of Duty' (Series 4)

This spring ITV and BBC1 are both banking on strong comebacks from Broadchurch and Line of Duty – two behemoths of British drama. Standards are high and expectations even higher – let’s check in with them both…
ITV’s Broadchurch was roundly panned for a patchy second series where the writers tried to do two stories at once and did them both badly. The courtroom scenes were embarrassingly poor with very little in the way of reality, or even a coherent story. Strangely a solicitor friend of mine enjoyed it, but maybe she’s not looking for gritty realism after a full day defending people in the dock.  Her giving it the benefit of the doubt was extremely generous; she was very much in the minority. Series 2 had terrible ratings and people gave up on it in droves (including Mr H who doesn’t have time for bad tv). It should serve as a warning to all broadcasters eager for a hit –  one good series is always better than undermining it with a poor return.
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'Harry Hill's Alien Fun Capsule'

Harry Hill is back! And this time it’s worth watching.
The be-spectacled comedic ex-doctor has arrived just in time to save the human race from alien invasion! He’s showing our new alien overlords that we are useful to have around, if only to laugh at. I’m not even kidding. This is the basic premise for a strange and excitable comedy panel show, interweaved with funny clips of old tv shows, very much in the style of the awesome TV Burp, which, shockingly, finished five years ago.
Last year’s Harry Hill’s Tea Time on Sky 1 was way off point, managing to parcel up the Harry Hill brand without ever once stumbling towards what we enjoyed about him. All specs and grins and huge white collars and no fun. It was too gimmicky and far too dependent on one celebrity providing the fun and games in a very awkward, embarrassing situation. (If you want to see how that’s done with style and aplomb see BBC’s Murder in Successville.)
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'All Aboard! The Sleigh Ride'

Looking for a stocking filler for a telly fan. How about an Arctic Circle sleigh ride from the comfort and warmth of your own home? Yes please! Straight away you know this is going to be a proper seasonal treat.
All Aboard! The Sleigh Ride is the happy union of Slow TV and hygge. You may have seen the word hygge in bookshops (there’s at least a dozen books out about it this year alone) and on department stores shelves selling blankets, slippers and candles. It’s a new UK obsession with the old Danish term, meaning to live comfortably in a warm cosy atmosphere.
This calm cosiness incorporates the Slow TV craze from Norway. These are long programmes where, really, nothing much happens. Examples include the four hour National Knitting Evening, the six hour National Firewood Night and the Train Ride: Bergen to Oslo. British tv got in on the act with All Aboard! The Canal Trip and All Aboard! The Country Bus. The Daily Beast calls Slow TV “the mesmerising antidote to the madness of 2016”.
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