‘Peng Life’ – Channel 4

Forgive me for not knowing until now who the Chicken Connoisseur is. I am in my 30s and I still haven’t got my head around the many millions of creative ways people use YouTube and how they have an immediate connection with their audience that the old dinosaurs of terrestrial TV can only dream of. Superstars are born, made fantastically wealthy, and crash and burn overnight. This much I know is true. I also know I’m playing catch-up. I swear I was standing in a Blockbuster choosing which video to watch just last week, but of course that was at least a decade ago.

So kudos to Channel 4 for giving Elijah Quashie his own TV series. This is a guy from Tottenham who made his name in 2016 reviewing chicken shops in The Pengest Munch. Important work, steering the nation away from disappointing fast food. He’s a critic who knows what he likes and he’s happy to give his opinion delivered in his own authentic style. There’s a lot of working class black slang going on here, but it all makes sense. Although again, I did have to look up peng which means handsome or fit as in “This is the pengest penguin in the world” which I’d pay good money to hear David Attenborough say on Blue Planet.

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‘The Grand Tour’

So this is it. The moment we’ve all been waiting for. Amazon picked up the wayward Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond and threw a considerable sum of money at The Grand Tour aka Top Gear on the road. Episode one starts with Jeremy leaving the BBC and rainy grey old England behind in a made-up back story to romanticise the end of the old show. No he wasn’t sacked!, they’re desperate to remind us, it was just his contract wasn’t renewed! Haha! Because Jeremy Clarkson hit someone who worked for him. He got wound up for an incredibly pathetic reason and took it out on an underling. Haha! Because bullying in the workplace is fine. Hahaha he’s such a lad! Top bantz.

Anyway, with the past glossed over, his co-presenters appearing from nowhere and an insipid version of ‘I Can See Clearly Now’ playing in the background we arrive in the Californian high desert at Burning Man Festival. They then spend a few minutes making the whole festival look and sound utterly boring. It seems to be chock full of podgy pasty white people, who no doubt leave a violent shade of lobster red. On stage we can swiftly tell that these guys are many things, but they are not rock stars or even stand-up comics. They’re at great pains to introduce each other as motoring journalists. So why do they have to do it so awkwardly on a big stage?

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Couch Potato Digest – clubbing, comedy and death by a thousand fuck ups

Two top stories dominiated the tv news this week and they were impossible to escape; a possible murderer on awful BBC tea time quiz show Eggheads and Channel 4 killing off The Great British Bake Off before it’s even started – death by a thousand fuck ups, which should be very familiar to the BBC as its how they managed post-Clarkson Top Gear.

So, in amongst this human misery, let’s hunt around and find some good news. We deserve it.

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‘Top Gear’ – On the Box

Peer pressure. It’s peer pressure plain and simple.

The Top Gear reboot was going to be such a big event it was unavoidable. Everyone was going to have a loud and aggressive opinion about it so last night I found myself putting it on at 8pm sharp, telling Mr H not to get too used to it. Neither of us drive, so it’s pretty difficult to be entertained by what is essentially a car review show.

As far as I can tell, Top Gear has always been awful. Either too serious, too factual and too boring in its initial inception and then after the 2002 relaunch too stupid, too loud and too macho. The presenters were men old enough to know better running around growling politically incorrect nonsense and shouting their surnames at each other like retarded public school boys.

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‘The Reassembler’ – On the Box

Well now, as you might imagine this was not on my list of shows to watch. But Mr H put it on and I wondered what it was about. It’s really a simple premise – spread out a bunch of parts, assemble an item, turn it on and see if it works – fronted by well-known presenter James May, of Top Gear fame. Mr H assures me you can’t actually judge a person by the company he keeps, or can you? If the men you worked with were famously nobbers, I might think you were a nobber too. But all that nonsense is in the past and while James has been out of work he’s been cultivating the indoor hobo look and now he looks a bit like a speccy chinchilla.

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