The Official Jontosaurus Top Five Memorable The Walking Dead Deaths Of All Time!

The mighty Jontosaurus is risen. Fear him! And also, read his top 5 The Walking Dead deaths and feel all squishy inside for gore of yore…

AMC’S The Walking Dead is in a dark place right now, with viewing figures at their lowest point since season 1. Reviews of season 8 have been remorseless, but there can be no denying that throughout the show’s massive run there have been some truly memorable characters that have perished in some truly memorable ways. And, in the case of Glenn, there have been about ten times we’ve thought he was going to die, only for him to turn up alive- sometimes without a whole lot of explanation. So, in honor of Glenn- God rest his fictional soul- here is a rundown of The Official Jontosaurus Top Five Memorable TWD Deaths Of All Time. As always, this is based purely on personal opinion, so please don’t be offended if your ‘favourite’ doesn’t make it in. Oh, and it goes without saying… but there may be spoilers ahead for those of you who have been living in a cave for the last few years. To be fair, I will try and avoid the most recent two or three seasons just to play it safe.

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  1. Hershel Loses His Head

“When all others lose theirs…” didn’t seem to be part of the plan for Hershel, who definitely loses his head, albeit in a clumsy and ultimately tragic way. Used as a sort of bargaining chip during The Governor’s assault on the prison, he is dragged out and negotiated over like a piece of meat. Just when it seems as though the adorable, well reasoned old man is going to pull through, the series decides to take a drastic U turn. As Maggie and Beth’s father, Hershel has already lost a leg due to a Walker bite, and although he looks about as resilient as a water paper bag, he’s clearly a tough old dog who isn’t ready to throw in the towel just because the apocalypse has reared its ugly head. Unfortunately, the Big Bad in form of David Morrissey’s The Governor has other ideas, and after a drawn-out affair, he grabs a samurai sword- a very familiar samurai sword for that matter- and lops off the old man’s head. What makes this scene so unexpected is that it leaps upon us as viewers just when we think the old man may be spared, and it also shows the removal of the head in graphic detail. We watch as the Governor messes up his first chop, only partly severing the neck, and all the while the dying Hershel just sort of kneels there, serene and untroubled, as his head is cut off. Truly harrowing but, sadly, not the most harrowing death on this list.

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‘Blind Date’

If I said to you, in a lyrical scouse accent “Number one, what’s your name and where do you come from?” would you know what on earth I was on about?

These magic words, filled with excitement and a certain frisson of romance were of course made famous by Cilla Black on the tv staple dating show Blind Date that ran from 1985 all the way up until 2003. At the height of its popularity in the 1980s, 18.2 million tuned in to ITV on a Saturday night to watch the excruciating, the charming, and the unlikely pairings who sometimes rode off into the sunset together.

Fourteen years on, the format has been faithfully resurrected by Channel 5. Paul O’Grady is a damn good fit for the role of presenter. Famously he and Cilla were great friends. The start of the show is a little tribute to Cilla. He jokes Blind Date was left to him in her will. He calls her the woman “who gave me two heart attacks and broke my nose in a Jacuzzi”. It was clearly a spectacular friendship.

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‘Santa Clarita Diet’

I think we can all agree that 2016 was rubbish, punctuated by the occasional depressing shitstorm. So far, 2017 is just bleak, barely registering on the Shrug Scale of shit-we’ve-all-just-got-to-get-used-to a.k.a. the new normal. So it’s the perfect time to turn your brain off, get grizzly and relish some zombie face-munching fun.

Welcome to Santa Clarita, a deeply boring middle-class suburbia somewhere in dull dry Southern California. Sheila and Joel are good-looking super-normal upwardly mobile estate agents (or realtors as they say over there) quickly sliding down the slippery slope into a totally ridiculous situation. Poor Sheila dies, only she doesn’t. Life goes on as normal, as best they can, while she, Joel and their teenage daughter Abby deal with the fact she is now a zombie.

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‘The Walking Dead: Series 7’ – On the Box

This review has been published days after the first episode of Series 7 has been broadcast, so yes, it is totally filled with spoilers. Consider yourself warned!

Well, shit!

After a remarkably pathetic end to Series 6 I must admit it was hard to care about The Walking Dead in the off-season. The reveal of the new big bad guy was much delayed so that Negan was only on-screen for a few minutes and he seemed decidedly one-note. This was the guy whose name had been a whispered threat running through the last series?! And his weapon of choice is a baseball bat?! Humph!

And then we knew who dunnit, but didn’t know who he’d dunnit to, thanks to the totally shitty ‘blood on the lens’ effect. Such an obvious manipulative tactic to keep the audience interested. I’d have been really angry if I could have mustered the effort. Newsflash! This is series 6 into 7. If by now the writers and production team haven’t realised by now the audience is interested and loyal, and there’s zero chance of getting canned by Fox, then they’re far thicker than we ever imagined.

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‘The Walking Dead – Series 6, Episode 4: Here’s not Here’ – On the Box

I was so excited that there was an extended Morgan episode scheduled for this series of The Walking Dead. I hate repeated viewing of anything but I happily watched ‘Clear’(Series 3:Ep 12) at least three times. I knew it’d be a tour de force from Lennie James and we’ve waited so long to find out exactly how Morgan changed from wailing loon to chilled-out zen warrior. I knew this would be a series highlight.

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‘The Walking Dead – Series 6’ – On the Box

Hello Walking Dead – we’ve missed you. Congratulations to the one programme that has made me care enough to watch all five series and make me salivate for the start of series 6. I’ve had relationships end, pets die, moved house and job a few times and throughout it all there’s a lone figure staggering through my life, dishevelled, wounded, kinda smelly and really quite vicious if you let him get close – ‘Grrr arrrgh!‘ to you too my lovely zombie. It’s true love, but I know you only want me for my brains!

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‘Fear the Walking Dead’ – See the Future

Fear the Walking Dead (AMC)

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Photo: AMC

Sadly it seems BT has picked up the entire AMC channel in the UK and are running it exclusively for their customers. I get Sky, Netflix, normal telly and that’s it. Tantalisingly the first episode is available as a freebie on Sky but I’m annoyed to be missing out on a new series I wanted to watch. I’m toying with the idea of watching the first episode anyway, but if it’s good I’ll be annoyed the rest are unavailable. Although if it’s terrible I’ll have been saved from an underwhelming spin-off!